Yellow Flower
♥
A/N: I'm still in hiatus, I just updated as a part of my gift to G-BOM ADDICTEDS for the 1st anniversarry of our thread at YGL.
“…I think… I finally see you…” the phone in her hand was shaking from the words that she just heard. “Please, call me back. I need to talk to you.”
She closed her eyes tightly, and took a deep breath trying to calm herself down. She’s been waiting for him to say those words he said just now for years. As she tried to control her beating she was unable to control the pounding of her heart.
She pressed a button on her phone, and listened to the sound of his voice once again. His voice was quiet and soft, almost as if he didn’t want anyone else hearing what he was saying. He seemed very hesitant in the beginning, pausing in between words, unsure of the things he is saying. Nevertheless, her heart melted from those four final words, “I finally see you…”
“Oppa… are you sure?” she whispered into the thin air after listening to the voicemail for the second time.
The other girls had left Chae Rin alone in the room, giving her space and time to think things through. But she couldn’t think, her head was thumping with a big migraine. How was she able to think after years and years of waiting for the only man she’s ever loved, and finally he was telling her that he sees her?
Before she could stop herself, she started crying.
“Ji Yong oppa…” she breathed out, and water from her eyes continued to flow like a crying river on a rainy day. She slowly picked up her phone to call him back.
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The reality of life. Her life.
She saw Yea Ji, without really seeing, running towards her, carrying her tiny feet to run to her mother. Unknown to her, the presence of the man still next to her, close to her, with one of his arms still wrapped around her from the embrace that became broken from her own doing. Had he not been next to her and holding her, her body would have fallen to the ground as her shaking legs were unable to support her.
The child was suddenly in front of her with worry in her eyes as she stared at her ghostly mother. Bom was not looking at the child but instead stared at the ground beneath her, not really seeing anything, only the three dark shadows in front of her that the full moon gave.
It was possible that she was merely dreaming. It was perfectly possible that all of this things happening right now was all in her. Like it always have been.
Many times has she dreamed and longed for the day that she could see him in front of her with her own two eyes. Many times has she believed that she had seen him, touched him, spoke to him.
But her dreams never lasted long enough to wear this happened.
“Mommy…” Yea Ji’s quiet and tiny voice made Bom slowly lift her eyes from the ground to the big, brown eyes that her daughter had.
Mommy. That’s right, she was a mother.
For three years, her job as a mother came first. She placed Yea Ji above anything else, always took care of her needs before anyone else, even her own.
As she looked into her daughter’s eyes, in an instant she saw the worry and fear in her eyes. Yea Ji never liked it when Bom didn’t respond to her right after when she called her. She was always scared of being alone, and she hated the dark. Knowing her daughter, she must have woken up alone in a dark room finding no one with her.
Not being able to trust herself to talk, she gave a warm smile to her daughter. She swallowed hard hoping that it would help her clear her throat.
She slowly bent down as she became leveled with Yea Ji, but not realizing the touch that slipped away from her body. She hugged her child, tightly, as she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She started to slowly stroke Yea Ji’s hair, as if by comforting her child, she too would be comforted just the same.
“Mommy’s here…” her voice was soft and a quiet whisper, but was loud enough to be heard in the silent night.
Slowly and routinely, like those many times she had comforted her daughter in the past three years, she picked her into her arms and cradled her like a baby.
“Mommy’s here…” she kept saying over and over, it was the words she always spoke of when her child would wake-up crying in the middle of the night, or when the thunder scared her waking her up in fear, or when she was bleeding from a throbbing scraped knee, or when he made her daughter cry. Those were the words that she said to her beloved daughter, and the words she will always keep.
The child must have still been tired because not another word came out of her mouth, but instead her head lay peacefully on Bom’s left shoulder while her tiny arms were wrapped around Bom’s neck.
He stood there not uttering a single word. He only watched them, the young mother and her daughter, with emotions that were too strong for words and too complicated to describe. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, the only thing he could do was stand there motionless and watching them.
A cool gust of wind rushed past them, making Bom shiver lightly. She didn’t look at the man beside her, turned her face back to the road that she came from and started walking. Slowly she moved her feet, she dragged herself as she carried her daughter in her arms, and not looking back at the figure behind her. Just like her steps, tears trickled slowly down her face and to the rocky ground.
“Don’t,” she heard him say but she kept going, the tears continued to flow as she held onto her sleeping daughter tightly.
“Don’t” he repeated himself, and before she knew it he was behind with his arms securely wrapped around her as he placed his head close to hers. “Please.”
She didn’t speak, but she tightly closed her eyes as if he could see them and she didn’t want that to happen. He pulled her in closer afraid that she will leave as he whispered close in her ear, “I need you.”
It was a moment of silence, a silence that was torture to their ears. She must have stopped breathing, because she suddenly felt herself gasping for air, and a small cry came behind her throat. Hot tears started rushing, she couldn’t control them anymore, and now she was crying. He turned her around and as he also couldn’t help himself as slow tears came from the corners of her eyes.
“Ji Yong-ah,” his name sounded so familiar rolling out her tongue, the name she said in the air many times when no one could hear her, but not she was saying it to him. “I can’t- I just can’t.”
She tried to control herself from being hysteric for there was a sleeping child close to her, but even then the tears and emotion were inevitable.
She was still in his arms, so close to her that they both could feel each other’s breath and even the softest sound from them could be heard from the other. All the words that they’ve always wanted to say to the other seemed to be far from their mind for the only words that they spoke to each other were short.
“I can’t be with you- no I don’t deserve you,” she cried to him, she looked at him in the eyes. His beautiful dark eyes were soft with tears as he looked at her. He shook his head, and looked back at her with the same intense gaze she gave him.
“That’s not true, and I don’t care. I just want to be with you,” he softly said as he held her face carefully with him hard hands and stroke her soft cheeks with his thumbs as the tears from her eyes started falling with quick speed like on a stormy day. “No, that’s not it,” he shook his head once again. “I need to be with you.”
Once again she closed her eyes, but this time it was not because she didn’t want him to see her tears but because she couldn’t handle his eyes. They were the same dark eyes that she remembered three years ago. The same dark eyes that was full of love when he looked at her, but there was something now that she didn’t see then. She could see the hurt she had given him, the despair and longing. The boy that had been so full of love and happiness was now a man with full of hurt. What she chose to ignore to see was that strong determination that was hidden behind his eyes, she didn’t want to believe that he would want her. She didn’t want him to know.
“I-“ she started to say, “I don’t need you.” With this she opened her eyes and looked at him. He felt like he had just been stabbed in the heart with a knife.
“You don’t mean that,” he whispered softly.
She swallowed hard, and got out of his hold to step back so he could see her full view.
“Can’t you see?” She asked him. “I’ve moved on. I moved on without you.”
His eyes never left hers for a second, but he knew what she meant. He knew what he saw moments ago when that child ran up to Bom and called her as her ‘mother’. He saw it, and he knew what it could only mean that. But did he believe it?
He didn’t speak for a second, but continued to look at her. It might have been long after until he finally spoke, “Her father?”
She didn’t quickly respond, but with a firm voice she replied, “No. It’s only the two-“ He cut her off, he stepped forward, she stepped back.
“Do you love someone else?” His eyes seemed to speak to her, telling her that he knew that she didn’t and that he knew the truth. But her mind did not want to say then, she didn’t want him to know that there had been nobody else but him. “If you don’t, I won’t ever let you go. But if you do..” She didn’t want to hear him say the rest.
“Yes,” she looked at him without wavering, without giving it away. She didn’t turn away but held his gaze. “I love someone else.”
His heart was stabbed once again. He was frozen but their eyes were still locked on each other.
“You’re lying,” his voice was quiet, but yet dangerous. She might not have realized it, but he could see the fear in her eyes. He could see her soul just like she could see his, and he knew that she was not telling him the truth. There was more to it than that.
“I love someone else,” she repeated, trying to convince him, but she knew that she was only trying to convince herself. “I have to go.”
But before doing what she said, she saw Ji Yong slowly bend down with one knee on the ground, he picked up his hands and slowly tied her shoes taking his sweet time, as if he didn’t hear a word she had said. Afterwards, he got up, and looked at her, oh how handsome he looked.
With those last words and that last look she turned around and walked, but this time there was no word telling her ‘don’t’ and there were no arms holding her from going. She continued to walk, walk back to the place that they lived, and with her daughter in her arms still sleeping.
She left him in that full moon night, motionless and frozen just watching her leave in the distance. He didn’t run after her and didn’t plead her to stay.
“But if you do…” he said the words again he had tried to say to her just moments ago, “I will wait for you.” He finished, even though she was not there to hear him.
But for now, he decided, that he would let her mind take everything in. There were so many things that happened and thrown in at the both of them in just a matter of a short time. Although, they both knew that Ji Yong himself was the one who needed time to let everything sink in, since after all, it was he who finally found his love that left him years ago, but to only find that she was carrying a child. One that was not his own, a child that could not be his own.
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Ji Yong didn’t even bother looking at him, didn’t even bother looking at anyone for the matter. Instead with the cold look on his face went straight to his room.
“He probably couldn’t get a hold of Chae Rin,” Young Bae said to the guys.
“Probably, Dara told me that Ji Yong was calling Chae Rin earlier, but she wasn’t picking up,” Seung Hyun said.
“Something’s different with the way he looked when he came in though,” Seung Ri added in a worried voice.
“Who’s in for dessert?” Suddenly Halmeoni came in with a plate full of cookies.
“Aigoo, this is definitely the best photoshoot work we’ve ever done,” Dae Sung chimed in as he ran to the old woman and taking the plate from her. “Kamsahamnida, Halemeoni!”
“Oh, Halmeoni should we save some for the little girl that you said was sleeping here?” Young Bae asked before taking some cookies for himself.
“Oh no, she’s already left. Her mother came to get her awhile ago,” Halmeoni responded as she looked in the direction of the room Ji Yong was in.
“Aw, we didn’t get to meet the little girl,” Dae Sung said as he munched the cookie in his hand. “Too bad, she probably would have wanted our autographs.”
“I’m sure she would have liked that,” the grandma replied.
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She looked at the time in her phone, 9:11 PM was the time. She was late, and she knew that he would finally be home at this moment, but as she stepped inside the house there was no trace of him. She looked around and found that no one else was inside the house.
He had made sure to tell her that he would be back today at exactly 9 o’clock at night. What happened?
Instead of worrying, although she hated to admit it, she was a little worried about where he possibly could be at this moment. She went to her bedroom; it was the master bedroom of the house where both she and Yea Ji both occupied the nights together.
Without even bothering to turn the lights on, she made her way to the bed and carefully and slowly placed Yea Ji on the soft mattress. Bom took off her daughter’s shoes, and as she was about to take off hers, she was reminded by the man who had tied her untied shoelaces awhile ago. Once again emotions began to fill her heart, and her head began to ache.
She didn’t know what to think, she didn’t know what to do, everything felt so surreal right now. None of this could possibly be really happening. It just couldn’t be. It can’t.
As she finally took her shoes off from her feet she laid down beside her daughter and took her close in her arms and closed her eyes. She had just probably dreamed all of this, and the next morning she would wake up and everything would be normal again. She would be back to the untouched life she had been living for the past three years.
She heard Yea Ji’s calm breathing, and Bom opened her eyes to see her daughter’s features in the moonlight. She saw that Yea Ji’s hair was covering her face, and Bom took one of her hands and slowly removed the strands of her hair on her face. She lowered her face closer to her daughter and gave her a light kiss on her forehead.
“Mommy loves you very much,” Bom whispered in the softest voice as she looked at her daughter lovingly. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you a father.” A tear drop rolled down from Bom’s cheek and fell onto Yea Ji’s face.
She closed her eyes once again and closing them so tightly hoping that all the pain in her heart would go away.
“Ji Yong,” she spoke softly into the night, calling his name.
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“Ah, good morning Halmeoni, I had a hard time sleeping,” Ji Yong replied as he lifted his head to look at the grandmother and give her a bow of his head, “and so I decided to work on something I promised someone.”
“If I’d known you would be up this early, I would have started breakfast an hour ago,” she looked at the clock on the wall to see that it was half an hour before six. “I’ll have a little something for you in a few minutes though.”
“Thank you, I’m really in no hurry to eat, I’m not even feeling like I’m hungry,” he smiled up at her.
“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” the grandma seemed to have a great opinion in this matter, “never skip breakfast, especially a young man like you and the job that you have. Aigoo, I think the rolls are done.”
She quickly darted off into the kitchen leaving Ji Yong thinking of food, now that he thought about it, his stomach had been growling, but he had been so focused with what he was doing that he was not able to see that his stomach had been pleading him to eat.
He decided to brush off his hunger for now and turned back his attention to his laptop in front of him. He was downloading all his songs to his computer for safekeeping. It had been a hard choice, but he thought that it would be a nice thing to do, she’ll definitely like it.
He got up an hour ago and downloaded new songs into his music player as well as deleting songs, he previously had more than 1,000 songs, but now his music player currently only had a hundred. He smiled, as the downloading into his computer finally finished, he was finally done. He got up and stretched, and just in time, Halmeoni came in the room with her a tray full of food to eat in her hands.
“I’m not going to let you do anything else in my house until you fill up your stomach first,” the older woman told him as a matter of factly.
“Yes, Halmeoni,” Ji Yong smiled, “I was thinking of the exact same thing.” He quickly went to her and took the tray from his arms and placed it on the table. He sat down in front of it and started eating, but then stopped himself. “Would you like to join me, Halmeoni?”
The grandma looked down at him, “I guess an old woman like me needs her food too,” she chuckled and slowly sat in front of Ji Yong, and together they ate the breakfast that she made him.
“Where are your children? With a big house like this, I’m sure that you have family,” Ji Yong questioned her as he ate.
“They all have their own lives, they’ve all decided to move into the big city,” the older woman replied as her eyes began to grow sad. “I gave birth to three children, all boys, and they’ve asked me to go live with them. But I just couldn’t. This was the house that their father built for us, and I can’t leave this house.”
Ji Yong looked at her with respect in his eyes, he could understand. Love is such a powerful thing. He nodded his head, not knowing what else to say.
“That man, Kim Jung Jae, he was my first love and my last. I didn’t like him at first, I couldn’t stand him. He was always full of talk, but he liked me, and I always turned him down. My family didn’t like him either, they always told me I’d go nowhere with a man like him, he was poor you see.”
Ji Yong listened intently as the grandmother told him her story, she almost seemed as if she was now in another world remembering her past.
“He didn’t care though, every morning he would come and see me, telling me that he’d marry me someday and make me his wife. Of course I didn’t believe him. Every night he’d come and see me and make promises saying that he’ll make me a house, and of course I didn’t believe him.”
Ji Yong smiled, he might not have known the man, but he surely like him already.
“I always just thought he was just full of himself, saying things he don’t mean. But he knew, that one day I would fall in love with him, and me as his wife, with a house that he built for me. I knew that I couldn’t find a better man.”
The grandmother’s eyes were lit with love, Ji Yong thought that it was sad that now she lived all alone.
“My child, do you have someone you love as well?” the grandmother took him by surprise as she asked him the question.
“Yes… I do,” he replied.
“She must be a lucky woman,” she spoke to him. “To have someone like you.”
“I’m quite sure, that I’m the lucky one,” Ji Yong said. “I’ve never needed anyone else as much as I do with her.”
“You can’t ever let her go then,” as the grandmother said that, he looked up at her. If he didn’t know any better he would have thought that Halmeoni knew what was going on. “It’s rare to find that special one.”
“I won’t ever let her go,” he replied. “But I wouldn’t know what to do if she asked me to let go of her.”
“If that’s what she wants, you have to.”
Ji Yong looked at the grandmother, she was definitely a wise old woman, but could he listen to what she was telling him now?
“I can’t-“ he stopped.
“If she doesn’t love you anymore, you have to let her free.” She paused. “But if her purpose is because of another reason, you have to figure it out and save her.”
This old woman really seemed to be speaking as if she knew his situation. Save her.
“Do you know a woman named Park Bom?” his eyes suddenly turned bigger, waiting for the woman to answer.
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It took him awhile to get Halmeoni to tell him where she lived. She was hesitant, and had worry in her eyes. She definitely knew Bom, and with the way she was worried and not wanting to give him her address, he knew that they were close.
He looked down at the piece of paper that he held tightly in his hands. Halmeoni had given him the directions to her house, and by looking at it, he would be passing by the market place that he was at yesterday.
In his pocket was the music player, the songs filled of her, and now he was going to give it to the little girl who thought her mother sounded like Bom. He could only imagine the bright smile that she will have, and maybe she wouldn’t even utter a single word to him again. He smiled at the thought of the child, she was a precious kid.
He walked faster, and then suddenly he found himself jogging in that bright morning. The sun was warm, the skies blue, and you can hear soothing sounds of the waves as they moved back and forth. Memories of him and Bom jogging flooded his mind. She always hated exercising, but she later learned to love it, maybe it wasn’t really exercising that she loved, but the fact that she would be with him every morning that made her look forward to the mornings.
He slowed down his jog as he reached the market place, moving his head from left to right, looking for a sign of a young child. No luck. The place was filled with much older people, and he thought that the child possibly would not be here at this time of day, it was only a little past seven.
Ji Yong continued to jog, slowing down once in awhile to check at the directions and making sure he was going the right way. Then he found himself coming to a stop.
In front of him, was a small house, there was no gates blocking him from the door, not the usual house you would see. He continued up to the steps to the door.
His heart began to race, unknown of what will happen, or who would open the door. Would it be Bom? The child? Or the man who she claimed she loved?
As he was about to knock on the door a noise from the side of the house interrupted him. He stopped and listened, he heard a faint voice, he couldn’t make it out or what was being said, but it was enough to get him to follow it.
Turning to the side of the house, he saw a tiny figure with the back to him. She was crouched down, one hand on her knee and the other was busy picking flowers. Then as if she saw him from the back of her head, she turned around and saw him, her eyes becoming huge and brighter.
“Ajusshi!”
Ji Yong’s eyes couldn’t believe it. It was the little girl.
“Ajusshi!” The little girl repeated as Ji Yong stayed frozen on his spot, but he didn’t need to move since the girl got up from her place and ran to Ji Yong. “Wanna help me pick flowers?”
He slowly forced a smile on his face, he felt like his heart just stopped. He crouched down until he was eye-leveled with Yea Ji. “Do you and your mom live here?” He just had to know.
“Mhhmm,” the girl nodded. “And daddy too.”
Daddy. That word came to him like a bullet. Was Bom telling him the truth then?
“Are they here?” He asked.
“Nope, Mommy only. Daddy not here yet.” The girl suddenly looked down at her hands, and picked out a yellow flower and placed it in front of Ji Yong’s face. “Want it?”
He smiled, and took the flower. “My favorite color!”
“Mine too!” Yea Ji exclaimed. “My mommy likes green, and daddy likes blue, but I like yellow!”
“Shouldn’t your mommy be watching you right now?” He questioned, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see Bom right at this moment.
“She still sleeping,” Ji Yong knew then that Bom probably didn’t sleep a wink at all last night, and now her sleep just caught on to her. “Want to pick flowers for her?”
Then the phone in his pocket once again started vibrating, he looked at it, and was a text message from Young Bae.
“Hey, where are you?
We’re all packing right now.
Leaving in an hour, so hurry!”
In an hour? He couldn’t leave.
“Yea Ji, remember that promise I gave you?” She nodded. “I haven’t finished it yet, but Ajusshi promises that I will give it to you the next time I see you, okay?”
The girl smiled and nodded her head. “Okay!”
“Okay, but can you do me a favor?”
She nodded.
He took his phone out. “Will you give this to your mommy?”
She slowly took it from his hand, hesitant to take it, and then she stared at it.
“I’ll try to see you soon, okay?” he ruffled her hair. “You be a good girl, if you need anything, take this phone and press 1 and call it. Okay?”
Yea Ji nodded her head, and looked up at Ji Yong. Ji Yong noticed that other than her long black hair and big brown eyes, she looked nothing like Bom. But the way she carried herself and the way she looked at him with those eyes were exactly like Bom.
He opened his arms, “Give Ajusshi a hug?”
She giggled and slowly gave him a tight hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
He slowly got himself up, and stated walking backwards. He stopped himself, then looked back at the young girl again. “Don’t forget to call me if you need anything, okay Yea Ji?”
“Yes! Bye-bye Ajusshi!”
He waved back at the little girl who was jumping up and down as she waved at him, he smiled, and then looked down at the flower in front of him.
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Author's Note: Wow. So how long has it been? Three months? So sorry, my readers. As I said above before the chapter, I am still on hiatus. Not really because I'm busy, but the fact that I have writer's block. Maybe because it's been awhile since I wrote about this story, and my mind isn't just working. I feel like I can't come up of things to write. I was lucky that the chapter above was actually 80% done before I went on hiatus, so I only wrote about 20% of it recently. But I am on my summer vacation, so who knows, I might spend more time updating this fic.
About this chapter. I was more than disappointed. Since I felt so distanced with the story after putting it on hold for three months, I felt like I couldn't put the same emotions as I did before. It was so hard and disappointing writing the last part of this chapter. I felt like I didn't really know how Ji Yong would really handle seeing that Yea Ji was Bom's daughter. I just really hope to do better next time.
I think I probably left a lot of things out than I would have liked, so you guys might have a lot of questions. But I do have one thing to say, for all of you guys who are reading this. That Yellow flower in the end actually symbolizes something. I'm saying it flat out because I don't know how many of you guys have English literature and if you know all those literature symbolisms. So that is just a hint or a foreshadow. I'm not going to tell you what it is now though, it's just a hint for now.
Anyways, since this story will probably still be on hiatus, I'm going to leave this blog public until I continue to update more regularly. For now it will be private, and I will give the others who are reading this that are silent readers and have not commented. But as a warning to those silent readers, leave a comment with your e-mail saying you want to continue reading, so when my blog is private I can invite you.
Q & A:
- Ohmygod! GD said to CL, "I finally see you.." What?!
Apparently so! I guess I should say that, CL have become closer to GD for the past three years since Bom left.
- Who the heck is the father?!
Okay, can't tell yet! Three options, Travis, Ji Yong, or some random guy in the streets. I already eliminated someone, read this chapter again, if you didn't catch on.
- I wonder what GD did to make CL feel the need to overdose. Was it mentioned before?
It was. Remember before he left for the island, CL cried to him saying that he needs to forget Bom. That Bom doesn't care about him, and hasn't even contacted them or him since the last three years, but GD became angry at CL for saying something like that and pushed her away. It's in chapter 14, the last chapter of part one if you want to go check it again.
~ ~ ~
Some questions I could not answer, because it would give away the storyline, but I really hope to update soon! As I look back at the comments now from my readers, I can't help but disappointed for giving you guys such a lousy chapter like this.
If I don't update within a week, feel free to annoy me and comment, ahaha.
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Toni Rose
Toni Rose
