[.Chapter VIII.]

Originally Published On: Dec 18, 2009

The Letters
♥

“Park Bom!” She turned around as her eyes widened at the sight of him. He was still the same, the same handsome face. The same beautiful brown eyes, the same bright smile. One look at him, she felt like her world was spinning, like she could fall on the ground any moment. Her hands were shaking; her heartbeat was fast as it was pounding hard against her chest.

She wanted to call out his name, wanted to tell him how much she missed, wanted to say those three beautiful words to him, and most of all she wanted to ask for forgiveness. Little sobs were instead filled from her throat, she wanted to run to him, hug him, kiss him, feel his soft touch against her skin, but her body kept her from doing so. Her body didn’t move an inch, she tried moving her foot, but it didn’t budge.

“Bom?” Ji Yong asked again. He was moving towards her slowly, afraid to scare her away. “What’s wrong?”

‘Everything,’ she wanted to say, but she didn’t, she couldn’t. She had no control of her body or her voice, she was helpless. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, she wanted him to hurry and come to her. But from the way she was acting, he probably thought the opposite. She looked like a scared cat cornered by her prey.

“Bom, I missed you,” he said to her with hurt on his face. “Haven’t you missed me too?”

‘Yes, so much, like I was dying.’ Again, she couldn’t speak, something in her was forbidding her to move and to talk to him, instead she continued to cry, tears falling and hitting the ground one by one.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” He was almost close to her. “Bom, please, talk to me.”

‘Ji Yong…’ she was still voiceless. She tried to move her hand to touch him; he was still far away that her hand didn’t touch him. They were both staring at each other intently. Afraid that if they would take their eyes of the other, the other would disappear.

He was finally close to her; she tried to reach out to him again. Slowly, while both of their eyes looked at each other passionately, Bom picked up her hand and slowly reached towards him to touch his face.

He waited for her touch, patiently as they would once again be together again. He looked at her and smiled a little to see that her feelings for him were still the same. As Bom’s fingers were an inch away from his face as she was about to finally touch him again, everything was lost.

“Ji Yong-ah!” She cried, her voice finally were able to come out. Instead of a reply from him, she was surrounded by darkness. The feeling of loneliness once again. It was back.

She cried, cried like she always has. She wanted to be with him again, but what happened? Where did he go?

“Ji Yong-ah!” She cried once again, this time in return, she was surrounded by the sight of her room. It was the same empty place that she’s been stuck for three years, three long years.

“Ji Yong, are you punishing me?” she sobbed, as she closed her eyes to see him again in her mind. She wanted to just picture him and see him in her mind forever. If she couldn’t see him, she might as well see him through her mind.

______________________________

It’s been some months now since everyone in YGE have known about Bom and Ji Yong’s relationship. Most were surprised; a lot were at awe, some who have always suspected it, a few who didn’t care, and then the ones who disapproved.

“Ji Yong Oppa!” Ji Yong looked back to turn around to the person who was calling him.

“Ah! Chae Rin-ah!” He gave her a smile as walked towards her to meet her halfway. “Hey there kiddo.”

“Oppa,” she smiled up at him, happy to see him. They were almost to door that would lead them outside the apartment building. “Where are you heading to?”

“I’m going to the bakery shop,” he replied.

“Oh,” she knew who it was for. She lowered her head down, disappointed by the answer she got.

“Want to go with me?” He proposed.

“Really?” Her eyes lit up, and she was once again excited.

“Of course, why would I ask?” Ji Yong ruffled her hair.

“Ah! Okay then, I’ll go!” She was so happy to be with him.

They walked to the bakery shop and continued to talk like they always have. They were two close people; they talked comfortably to each other, and were always supportive of one another.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve been together like this,” Chae Rin brought up. She tilted her head up so she could glance at him; see what his reaction to what she said.

“Yeah I know,” he apologized to her. “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

“Will you stop that?” Chae Rin burst out at him angrily, and Ji Yong was taken back. “I hate when you do that!” Chae Rin stopped in her tracks to look at him with saddened and angered face.

“Do what?” he asked confused.

“Calling me kiddo, calling me little sis, don’t you understand?” she asked him with pleading eyes as mist were starting to form in her eyes.

He just looked at her sympathetically, trying to figure out how to respond to her. She was emotional, and he knew he should be cautious of how he should comfort her.

Ji Yong placed a hand on her shoulder and looked at her.

“Chae Rin-ah,” he started, but was cut off.

“No.” she replied. “I don’t want to hear you apologize.”

He felt ashamed. How can he hurt Chae Rin? He knew her feelings for him, but what was he to do about it? But maybe he shouldn’t have been too nice to her then, maybe if he was a little sterner with his own feelings then maybe Chae Rin would’ve given up on him, and then maybe Bom wouldn’t feel so insecure about her feelings for him. Maybe. Either way, it couldn’t be helped.

“Chae Rin-ah-“

“No,” she cut him again, as she tried to free from his hand on her shoulder to leave him, but his hand stayed strong and wouldn’t let her free.

“Listen to me,” he declared with a serious face that would have had anyone listen to him. “I’m sorry, and I mean it.”

He looked intently into her eyes, meaning every word he said, but Chae Rin wouldn’t take it, she shook her head still not wanting him to hear his apology, because it would only mean one thing.

“You know that I care for you,” he made sure he looked at her. “You know that I would try to protect you from any harm in the world.”

She was silent, as sobs slowly formed with tears already flowing down from her eyes.

“Even if that harm is me,” he said. She cried harder.

“You know that I wouldn’t try to hurt you, because it hurts me to see the people I love in this world in pain,” he continued. “And you’re one of those people that I love, you need to know that I’ve always liked you, cared for you, looked out for you like…”

She knew it was coming, she couldn’t take it, but she held his gaze not turning her head, now harder sobs were now starting to come from her, as he squeezed her shoulders tightly.

“…Like you were my sister.”

Sobs became soft cries, as soft became loud until she was finally held in his harms as they both stood there on the street together. Chae Rin in his arms and Ji Yong hugging her feeling sorry for her, sorry that he had to tell her that, sorry that he had to do that and most of all, sorry that he had to hurt her.

He had hurt her twice, and it pained him to see her like this. She truly was like a sister in his life and forever will be. He tried soothing her by rubbing her back, as he slowly lead both of them together back home, now with different feelings that ever before.

Everything was now settled. He knew that he did everything he could to tell her how he couldn’t return her feelings for him. She also knew that she wouldn’t be able to change those feelings that he had. Everything that they could’ve done, were done.

As they made it back to the apartment building forgetting about going to the bakery shop, Chae Rin was calm, no sobs, no cries, no hiccups, but the pain and sadness in her eyes could be seen by anyone. It was hard to miss the lost gaze that she gave to the world like she was in shock.

They were finally in front of 2NE1’s apartment door, and Ji Yong stopped to look at Chae Rin. His face saddened with worry that it was going to take awhile for her to recover. Although she was the leader of 2NE1, the person who takes charge for the group, there was still that young girl inside of her that was wanting to come out but couldn’t because people have expected too much from her. Now that helpless little girl was out, and he was worried.

He once again, placed a hand on her shoulder to bring her back to reality.

“Chae Rin-ah?” he questioned her, and instead of replying, she just looked at him, through him as if she wasn’t really seeing him. “Aish!”

He looked at the door, and rang the doorbell and then banged on it impatiently right after.

“I’m coming!” he could hear his girlfriend’s voice from the other side.

“Bom, hurry!” he shouted. He could hear running footsteps of Bom, as she quickly opened the door to see the love of her life with an extreme worried look and her best friend who didn’t look like she was in her right state of mind in the world. She looked like a little lost kid.

“Chae Rin-ah!” Bom cried to her. She shook her, trying to get a response from her, and when that didn’t work she looked at Ji Yong with a worried and questioning look.

“What happened?” she asked him.

“Aish… It’s a long story,” he knew she wasn’t satisfied with the answer. “I’ll explain later, but we need to let her rest.”

“Okay, fine,” she knew she had to wait later. “Aigoo, Chae Rin, please talk. You’re scaring me.” Bom said to her best friend.

Chae Rin was still the same, not moving, not talking, not looking, but only looking at the space around her as if she wasn’t really seeing.

They directed her inside the apartment and put her to her bed. No one was home except Bom; Dara was out shooting for her new CF, while Minjy was at the dance studio practicing for a performance.

The two couple took care and watched Chae Rin for a long time, until some hours later Ji Yong got a phone call from Tae Yang informing him that the boys needed to meet up at the studio to learn a new choreography.

“It’s okay, I’ll watch Chae Rin, and I’ll make sure I’m awake when she wakes up,” Bom gave him a tiny smile trying to make him feel better. Obvious to Bom that he was definitely hurting.

“Thank you, baby,” he softly said to her while wrapping his arms around her as he looked straight into her eyes before hugging her tightly. He kissed the top of her head as he closed his eyes to thank God for letting him be with the best girl in the world, the most perfect lady for him, she was all his. He pulled back his head to give her a sweet smile; he gave her a light kiss on her nose, and then brushed his lips onto hers and both of them just gazing into each other’s eyes.

“I love you,” he said to her.

“I love you too,” she whispered to him. “Please be careful, don’t worry too much, I’ll take your worries for now, so you can focus everything on your practice today.” He gave a smile and a last kiss before leaving her.

Bom knew how much his profession as an artist, musician and an entertainer meant for him. His job was very important to him, not only for the money that he needed so he could support his family financially, but the passion and love he had for the work that he does. He admired him for that; she had always wanted a man who did their job like it was their all. She smiled thinking how she was such a lucky girl as she walked back inside her and Chae Rin’s bedroom.

Her heart ached, even in her sleep she looked like she was in pain, like she was hurt. She knew when she opened that door and saw Ji Yong and Chae Rin standing outside, she knew what had happened. She didn’t know exactly what, but her gut told her that it was about Chae Rin’s feelings for him. How Chae Rin looked told Bom that it must have gone very bad for her, and thus letting Bom know that Ji Yong must have told her things that hurt Chae Rin. Now all she is waiting for is a confirmation of what truly happened.

As she gazed down at her best friend, over flowing guilt bursts inside her as it always happened every time she saw Chae Rin. Ever since she found out the truth about Chae Rin liking Ji Yong, it was hard not to think about that, whenever she see her, she couldn’t help but turn away and blame herself for making her feel like she does.

Bom brushed away the strands of hair that was on Chae Rin’s face.

“Chae Rin-ah, I’m so sorry,” Bom cried quietly to her. “I wish I could make you feel better, but I know I can’t.”

Bom bowed her head down and cried quietly thinking how she was such a bad friend. She never wanted to be a friend like this. She’d been in the same position before, not exactly the same as this situation. But she had someone in her life that she loved so dearly, but he was stolen from her from a woman who turned him into a completely different man. That man was her father. After him and her mother divorced when she was 13 years old, he remarried to a woman who always wanted her way with, she didn’t ever want anyone getting in between them, even his own daughters.

Bom cried even a little bit harder, feeling more pain for Chae Rin as she remembered the times she cried for to see her father, but her stepmom would always find something to where Bom wouldn’t be able to see him. She remembered crying every night confronting her mother and her also sad sister about how her dad was beginning to disappear from their lives little by little. Until finally, her step mother succeeded. She didn’t see her father unless it was special occasions, like Christmas and Thanksgiving, sometimes her birthday and a bit of Father’s Day too.

She definitely didn’t want Chae Rin to feel what she had to go through as a teen. It was a heartbreaking part of her life; the man she had only loved then began to disappear from her life. She couldn’t take seeing Chae Rin being broken hearted because she was taking the only guy she has ever loved, the first and only guy.

Why did Chae Rin have to love him too? Why did she have to like him the same way she loved Ji Yong? Why did her own best friend have to also be in love with the man who taught her the meaning of real love? Why?

“Unnie…” a small voice said as Bom picked her head to look at the awake Chae Rin looking at her with helpless eyes. “How can I stop myself from loving him?”

Bom felt like her heart broke into pieces, her body numb, her head spinning and her eyes tearing. She couldn’t utter any words. She felt the pain that Chae Rin was feeling, she knew that Chae Rin was trying hard to take away the feelings she had for him, but love was not something you could just disappear. You couldn’t take an eraser and erase the feelings of love, you couldn’t take out the love that you feel for somebody that quickly. Love might disappear in time, it might calm in time and it might not totally disappear from your heart. Only time will tell.

She didn’t how to respond to her. How could she answer that? Tell her to stop loving him? How could she? She couldn’t. Bom knew that it wasn’t a matter of choice for Chae Rin, for all of them, time would only tell later.

Bom cried louder as Chae Rin’s eyes watered; Bom took her arms and wrapped it around her best friend to hug her. Both understanding what they’re feeling, knowing that they both had hurt each other. The friendship that they had was attacked by the situation they were in. They never meant any of this to happen, but why did it happen to them? They only cried, cried for each other, knowing that they both had been the victim of the scary feeling of love.

“Unnie,” Chae Rin started as she broke away to look at Bom. “I’m sorry.”

It was a moment of silence where the two friends looked into each other’s eyes, and saw the love and friendship they had for each other. They knew that there was nothing that they could do to change anything, and instead just let the time work for itself.

“I’m sorry Unnie,” Chae Rin kept reading those words. “I’m sorry… “

Bom just cried harder, both of them cried harder.

“I’m sorry Chae Rin-ah,” Bom said to her.

______________________________

Ji Yong’s mother granted her son’s wish. The words that she always heard before were, “I need to see Bom.” It was different now; those words were change with the replacement of have.

“I have to see her,” once he said those words to her, the battle was over. Ji Yong’s mother had tried to keep the secret that Bom wanted her to keep, but now she couldn’t continue it anymore as she witnessed the dying spirit of her son. She wasn’t about to let her son’s lively spirit fly away when she knew she could have done something about it.

“I’m sorry Bommie,” she thought to herself.

“I can’t take it anymore,” he cried to his mother desperately. “Please, let me see her.”

She nodded her giving into him. “I’m not sure how much I could help you, Ji Yong-ah...”

“Just please…” he pleaded.

“I know, but I’m ashamed to tell you that I don’t where she is at,” she said guiltily.

His eyes sadder and pleading.

“But,” Ji Yong’s eyes grew. “I know how you can contact her.”

His eyes filled with tears.

“Park Bom,” he whispered quietly as if trying to talk to her.

“I also have some things for you.” Ji Yong tilted his head up to look at his mother. He gave her a confused questioning look.

“Come with me,” his mother told him as she led him upstairs to her bedroom. And as they got there, his mother took out a key that he didn’t know where it came from; she then used it to open a drawer by her bed stand. Afterwards, she took out a box, not too big, but big enough to fit a small-sized TV in. She walked towards he son and placed the box inside his arms.

“Here,” she looked at him directly in the eyes. “Bommie told me to give this to you when the time is right.”

He looked down at the box, and soon opened started opening it gently afraid that he would hurt the little thing. This was from Bom, he knew it, and he knew he had to treat it with gentleness like he would treat her.

He walked towards the bed and sat down and as careful as possible, he gently placed the box down with him. As he opened the box, his already teary-eyes soon worsened as the glimpse of hundreds and hundreds of lettered envelops. His heart beat pounding loudly against his chest, he thought of her, he knew this was from her. He slowly took out an envelope, and looked at the outside of it; and in pretty hand-writing that he all too well knew was the words of his name. “Ji Yong.”

He flipped it to the opening of the envelop, and found a green-piece of paper. He took it out, the green piece of paper were from the huge stationary-set he had given her once for her birthday, he saw the whole piece of paper filled with her beautiful writing front and back.

His tears were now like river flowing down his eyes, it wouldn’t stop but just running like it would never end. He put the paper closer to his face as he closed his eyes to smell the faint scent that he knew of too well. How he missed her scent, her jasmine smell and the sweet-smell of her hair as he remembered when he had always breathe in her hair.

He started reading it.

“Dear Ji Yong,

My love, my one and only love in this world. You know how much I love you, you know how much I care for you and you know how much I would do anything in this world for you…”

He sobbed like a broken-hearted man as he kept reading the letter she had written for him.

“Everything is very scary right now, I am all alone without you here with me. Without you to hold me tightly, without you to whisper in my ears that you love, without you looking into my eyes lovingly, without you to comfort me…”

His hands were shaking; unable to control his body did to him. His mother watched him as she cried too, broken-hearted for her son.

“It’s only been a couple of days since I left, and yet I feel like it’s been an eternity since I last saw your beautiful face, your beautiful smile, your beautiful eyes and your beautiful voice…”
He was now crying harder than ever, to hear her thoughts like this, it was killing him.

“I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through right now. I don’t want to think about how much I’ve pained you for what I’ve done…”
Ji Yong’s mother wanted to hug him comfort him, but she was afraid to touch him. She felt like he was going to break any minute now.

“If you have gotten this, your mother has finally decided to give this to you. I just want to ask you one thing; I don’t want you blaming your mother or your sister. It was all me, I made them to keep what they know from you, they only did what I’ve asked them too, but please, don’t be angry at them. Just be angry with me…”

He shook his head, not agreeing with what she was saying. Of course, he couldn’t blame them, and most of all he couldn’t be angry with her.

“Ji Yong, you and I both know I lied to you that night, but I couldn’t do anything else. I had to say it to you, or else I wouldn’t have been able escape from you for even just a second. I didn’t want to leave you, but I had to. It was for me, and it was especially for you, for both us, and for everyone else…”
Why, Bom? Why must you always think of others? Why couldn’t it just you and I? I thought that was what we promised? You and I, forever….

“Ji Yong-ah, my love. I’ll write to you constantly, daily, as much as I can. So one day you can know how it was, like you were here with me. I know that this isn’t good enough, but it’s the best that I can do. I’ll be writing to you my love. I’m sorry… I’m sorry that you had to fall in love with me.”

He stared at the paper that was wetted from the drops of his tears.

“I love you, Ji Yong.”

He was shaking as he stared at the paper, he wasn’t aware of anything around him, as he continued to cry and slowly drop by drop, tears by tears, fell slowly down the letter.