Originally Published On: Dec 30, 2009
The Stars Like Us
♥
♥
If anyone had seen him that day, they wouldn’t have recognized him. His face was tired, there were big dark circles beneath his eyes, his body shaking, his breathing hard and fast and his brown eyes swollen from every tear drop that fell on the letters one by one. It was now 3 AM, and he had spent more than twelve hours reading her letters continuously without a stop. Every letter he read, he cherished it in his heart; every sentence she wrote, had put him to tears; every word she used, broke his heart.
He couldn’t utter anymore words, and couldn’t even cry out her name as he pictured her writing the letter. He was unable to control his body from shaking, as he slowly reached into the box to pick up the last letter she wrote. He picked it up with gentle and care, anxious to read what she wrote, but afraid to see what she’ll say. He didn’t want this to be the last one, he needed to hear more from her, needed to read her thoughts, feel her feelings, but most of all he needed her.
He carefully opened the white envelope and unfolding the green piece of paper. He looked at the date revealing that she had only written it a little over a week ago, his heart beat stop, he couldn’t seem to believe that she was writing this not too long ago. Why is it that he has something that belonged to her a week ago, but he doesn’t have her? Why?
Tears strolled down his face not being able to breathe as he started reading the words she wrote.
“God, please tell me why?” he cried softly.
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“Are you ready?” she asked him as she smiled and gazed at him excitedly.
“”Hurry up, I’m dying to see the surprise already!” Ji Yong jumped up and down like a little boy as he and Bom held hands behind the door that would lead them to the rooftop.
“Tell me who’s the girl that you love?” Bom smiled as she teased him.
“I forgot her name,” Ji Yong smiled back playfully, “but I believe she’s the girl from the girl group, 2NE1, and she’s the one who sings the best. Oh, and she’s pretty sexy too, and definitely cute.”
“Oh really?” she went closer to him closing the space between them as she wrapped her arms around him while looking up to his smiling face. “But I’m afraid that you have to know her name, to get in.”
“Oh okay then,” he looked up pretending like he was trying to remember the name, “I think it’s, Boom? Bam?”
She slapped his arm, “Yah! Do you want to see your present or not?”
“Oh! I think I remember now!” he smiled down at her to kiss her nose, “the girl I love is Park Bom.”
She smiled at him, as her heart beat went faster and her heart seems to feel like it was melting. Yes, she was deeply madly in love with the guy standing in front of her. “Correct!”
“Can I see it now?” he smiled eagerly.
“Yes, but you need to have your eyes closed until we get inside,” she replied as she went behind him and then placed both her hands on top of his eyes.
“Hmm… this feels a little too familiar,” he told her as he was reminded of the time that he surprised her on her birthday.
“Yes, but it’s my turn now to do the surprising,” he felt her open the door as she took one of her hands away from his eyes, but he still kept his eyes closed as promised.
“Don’t peak!” she reminded him as they both kept walking forward when he felt them go through the doorway.
“Of course not!” he replied obeying her words, although he didn’t peak at all.
“Okay, we’re almost there,” and then finally Bom stopped as she also made him stop his tracks. “I’m going to let go of my hands, but don’t open your eyes just yet!”
“Yes ma’am,” he was excited. Bom was always full of surprises, but this time she was purposely surprising him, and he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t keep his mouth from smiling, his cheeks would’ve probably hurt, that is if he was paying attention to himself. But instead he was too excited of what his girlfriend was about to give him.
“When I count to three, one,” she started to count as she held his hand with one of hers, his heart beat was beating loudly with all the excitement. “Two… three!”
He opened his eyes and there in front of him, was the biggest telescope he’s ever seen. He looked at it with awe, walked around it to see its beauty all around. Then finally he looked up to see a smiling Bom. He walked back towards her, and wrapped his arms around her.
“Aigoo, you’ve been hearing me complain too much of how I want to see the stars so badly,” he kissed her forehead, then her nose, and then her soft lips.
“Lately, when we’ve been up here, all you keep talking about was all about the stars and the moon,” she placed her head on his shoulder for a second and then pulling her head back to look at him. “Do you like it?”
“I love it,” he gave her a final kiss before going to the telescope and using it.
“No! Not yet!” Bom exclaimed suddenly as he looked at her questioningly. “You have to see this first.”
Bom pushed him a little to the side, so she would be the one to be directly behind the telescope so she could see through it. She looked in the telescope for a minute adjusting it to a specific, and then finally let go and looked at him as she smiled. “Okay, now you can look!”
“My Bom bunny is just full of surprises!” he quickly made his way to her spot, “I can look?”
Yes,” she smiled, and then he placed his eye on the circled lens, and found there in front of him, were two bright, shining stars right next to each other. He was mesmerized at how beautiful they look; they looked so big in front of him that he felt like if he reached out he could actually touch them.
“They’re beautiful,” he whispered as he kept looking at them with awe, not taking his eyes off of them just yet.
“The smaller one on the left is called Park Bom,” his breathing stopped, “and the bigger one on the right is called Kwon Ji Yong.”
His feelings at the moment were indescribable, as he seemed to be frozen by Bom’s touching surprise. There Park Bom and Kwon Ji Yong, next to each other inseparable.
“I know it’s been hard for us to be together, be next to each other,” Bom started as he finally looked away from the telescope and looked at her beautiful face as the light of the moon and the stars shone on her face. “Somehow we’re still together, trying to keep this a secret to the world is hard too while only our families and YG knowing.”
She placed one of her hands on his back and the other on his lower stomach so she could still look at his handsome face.
“And I know, at night, how we just want to be together but we can’t, especially when you’re away in a different place and all we want to be is next to each other,” her eyes were beginning to mist as his were too by the bittersweet relationship they had. “So I got those stars for us. Every night we’re not next to each other, and all you want to do is see each other. Even though we can’t be together at the moment, if we look up at the night sky, we can see that God really meant for us to be together,”
“Park Bom,” he whispered her name as he placed his hands gently on her face as he used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “I’ve never fallen this hard for a girl.” He smiled at her as he now used his lips to kiss away her tears flowing from her eyes.
“I love you,” she whispered as they put their faces closed to each other, their foreheads touching as they looked into each other’s brown eyes. “This way, I can promise to always be next to you.”
They both closed their eyes for a moment, and then slowly opened them as the leaned into each other feeling each other’s soft lips with their own; knowing that they would always belong together.
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“Dear Ji Yong,
11:11 PM, make a wish, my love. I’ve been making many wishes for the past three years, but how come not a single one has come true yet? I can just picture you in my mind right now, to tell me to stop this non-sense and stop wishing, and instead get up and do something about it. You were always such a hard worker.
But I can’t help but wish for your good health and for someone new to love and cherish you. Ji Yong-ah, I really want you to forget about me, please do. I’m begging you to.
Perhaps, in another life could we be together, perhaps in another time, but you and I can’t be together in this lifetime. God forbids us so, but someday he’ll let us have our fate. Just like our stars, always together no matter what…
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When she was sixteen years old, she thought she knew about the world. When in fact inside she was lost and torn about the life she was leading, just like any other teenager in the world. There were a lot of times when she felt like no one could understand what she was going through, no one had been there to pay attention to her and see the pain she was in. She was a girl with a father, who had technically abandoned her for another family, a mother who was too emotionally weak to help anyone else, and a sister who was busy trying to put back her life together. And she, Park Bom, was alone and was in need of someone to love her. Then one day, she met him.
Their mother was gone at a business trip, while Bom and her sister were left alone in the house one Saturday night. Jessica had been invited to a party from one of her college friends, but she didn’t want to go alone.
“Bommie, please!” Jessica looked at her sister with begging eyes as she clasped her hands together. “Come with me! I promise, it won’t be that bad!”
“Jessica! You always go to one of those college parties, why do you need me this time?” Bom looked at her irritatingly.
“I know! But Carmen and Alyssa can’t go with me tonight, and I need someone to go there with me so I won’t be alone,” Jessica continued.
“Then ask someone else!” Bom replied.
“I can’t, it’s the last minute,” she moved closer to her sister. “Please, Bommie!”
“You’re going to leave me once we get there anyways,” Bom wasn’t convinced.
“Bom! I’m really desperate!” Jessica was now giving her the biggest puppy eyes, pleading Bom desperately to go with her. “I don’t want to seem like a high-schooler with no friends in front of this one guy!”
“Aigoo! You should’ve just told me it was because of a guy,” Bom smirked at her older sister of two years. She had always been boy-crazy, and older, boy-crazy at that. Most of her friends were in college even though she was still a senior in her high school. “I’ll think about it.”
“Omona! Thank you Bommie!” Jessica jumped up and down as she hugged her younger sister happily.
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“…How is my baby GaHo doing? Will you tell him how much I miss and love him, I even miss the spacey-off look he gives me, the way he wants to get away from me, and how he licks my hands so I’ll pet him. Has he grown real big? Please tell me that you haven’t let Seung Ri watch over him, Seung Ri will go crazy watching GaHo! I want to see him and hold him in my arms again.
I saw a puppy that looked like GaHo a few days ago, my heart felt like it was going to burst as I wanted to run up to it and hug it, but I knew it wasn’t him. Ji Yong-ah, how long must I keep seeing the life I left behind constantly in my eyes?
Everywhere I look, I feel like you are there with me, I feel like you are there so close to me. But then I realize that you aren’t. Is that how you feel too, my love? When you look up at the stars, do you see us, the way I see every night?”
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They were wrapped in each other’s arms, it was just perfect. It was a cool and breezy night, the moon and the stars shining down upon them brightly as they sat on the ground with a blanket beneath them as they looked together at the stars that were meant to be.
“Ji Yong,” she whispers his name lightly as she continued to gaze at the stars lovingly, “who was your first love?” She could already feel his smile from the back of her head as he tightened his wrap on her.
“My first love? Hmm… my mother,” she turned around to look at his face, to see that she was right as he grinned teasingly looking at her annoyed look. “What? I really did love my mother before anyone, imagine how much she cared for me and Jiae, alone.”
“Ji Yong-ah! You know what I mean!” she exclaimed as she hit him lightly on the arm that he had on her stomach.
“You really want to know?” he asked her.
“Mhhmm,” she nodded her head up and down as she looked at him.
“I’ve never been in love,” he looked back at her. “Sure there were many girls I experienced deep feelings for, I cared for them and looked out for them, I liked them; but I wouldn’t necessarily say that I was in love with them. I’ve never even utter those three words to any other girl other than to my family.”
He was now looking at her seriously changed from the playful look he had awhile ago. He looked at her straight into her beautiful eyes, as he placed both his hands on the side of her face gently.
“I’ve never felt the desire or the need to love or be loved by someone,” he continued. “Until I met you.”
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“…I never told you that night, I didn’t tell you this one confession, maybe you guessed, or maybe you doubted. But Ji Yong-ah, you were my first and only love.
Yes, Kwon Ji Yong, was Park Bom’s first love.
My first and only…”
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Bom and Jessica went inside her sister’s friend’s apartment, to find the full room pact with dancing, drunk, smoking and wild college kids. Bom made a disgusted face as she smelled the smoke in the room, she hated that smell.
“Bom, you go have fun, I’ll be back,” and before Bom could even reply, Jessica was already out of her sight off somewhere else. “Aish… why did I let her make me come with her again?” she whispered quietly to herself as she made her way to the kitchen.
As she got there, it was still full of people, everywhere was just filled and filled of people wanting to party. She had to get away from the crowd and find a place where she could have some peace and quiet time to herself. But first, she had to get some food and a drink, she was starving.
As she passed by some drunk guys, they looked at her like they wanted to devour her, she just gave them a cold look as she turned back to look at the fridge in front of her. She picked up her hand so she could grab the handle to open up the fridge, but as she placed her hand on the handle another hand was also doing the same. Instead of grabbing the handle, her hand somehow was placed over the cold hands in front of her.
“Ehh..?” she quickly let go of her hands in embarrassment as she looked up to the right to see the person whose hand belonged to.
When she looked at him, there was something about him that she couldn’t take her eyes off of. His eyes were dark and piercing like he could control anybody with just a single look. He was tall, he had short dark hair and he was good-looking. But Bom couldn’t decide whether it was his good looks that made her stare at him or something else.
“I’m sorry, excuse my manners,” he smiled at her apologetically, and even his smile had made her look at him longer, even his smile was different, it had her shivering cold. “Ladies goes first.”
He took his hand off the handle, and finally Bom seemed to finally have broken off whatever spell she was in. She opened the fridge without saying a word to him, and took out a water bottle. She was about to close the fridge, when she saw something yellow that caught her eye, uksusu! She eagerly grabbed a long piece of corn, and closed the door feeling satisfied of what she got. The guy seemed to have noticed her happy face, as she looked at him one last time to see his smiling face before turning around and leaving.
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“…Sometimes I wake up at night with a scared feeling inside me. It’s been such an unfamiliar feeling, since I’ve been with you, I’ve felt nothing but security. I knew you would always be there to protect me and guard me from everything. How I wish I could still feel like that again, my love…”
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She finished eating and threw away her food as she found a spot in the backyard where there were less people and much quieter away from all the noise. She finally found the perfect spot to be alone, the whole time, people were trying to talk to her, getting her to dance, drink, smoke and whatever other thing that was happening at the party. She just ignored and gave them a cold look, thinking to herself that her sister will owe her big for making her come. She would have called one of her friends to pick her up, but she left her purse and her wallet because Jessica was rushing her and only managed to remember bring her iPod. That meant she couldn’t use a cab or a bus to get home either.
“Two more hours, until I can go home to my lovely bed…?” she tried to cheer herself up. She just sat there on the step way, her feet on the ground as she took out her iPod from the pocket of her jacket. She placed the earphones in her ears, and then looked to find a song she wanted to hear at moment. Finally, she stopped looking to play the song “Stand Up for Love” by Destiny’s Child. She was immediately absorbed by the song forgetting where she was at as she started to sing quietly but enough to be heard by the people close to her.
“There are times I find it's hard to sleep at night
We are living through such troubled times
And every child that reaches out for someone to hold
For one moment they become my own”
She kept singing oblivious that people were looking at her with amazement at how well she can sing, she didn’t notice either the two pair of eyes that stared at her intently with great admiration.
“And how can I pretend that I don't know
what's going on?
When every second, and every minute another soul is gone?
And I believe
that in my life I will see
an end to hopelessness,
of giving up,
of suffering
If we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and hear me sing
Stand up for love.”
As she finished singing the song, she finally looked around her and was shocked to see people looking at her, and not only that, but clapping. She looked around her to see if there was some other show going on that would have all these people applauding, but to find no one else. She blushed a great deal of red as she looked on the ground embarrassed that people heard her singing. Finally they seemed to all stop putting their attention on her and continued at what they were doing before.
She suddenly felt a presence beside her and as she looked on the ground floor she saw that there was a shadow casted right next to hers. She pressed the pause button on her iPod, just in case whoever this person was, wanted to tell her something.
“You have a very beautiful voice,” she heard a deep and low voice beside her, she turned to face the person, to find that same piercing eyes from before now so close to her. “I’m Travis, and you are?” And at that moment he had her caught.
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“I’ve been feeling sick lately, my heart is aching so badly, I get this heart pains every now and then. I think I can now finally understand what my mother went through when her and my father divorced. I can finally understand and forgive her for neglecting me and my sister, for only thinking about herself. I can finally understand, understand that it was love that made her that way.
You can’t get mad at love. You can’t get mad at something beautiful like that, it’s a magical thing that people need to know, it’s a miracle worked by God. Love is so powerful that it will change a person, it can heal them and hurt them. Sometimes if a person is not strong enough, it can ruin them, and my mother was not strong. She had let love overpower her, and because of that, she was torn apart. I understand now that it wasn’t her fault. Because I too, am a victim of love…”
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“Why are you crying?” he asked her softly. She was crying again for the second time that night. Ji Yong and Bom were still together on the rooftop, it was already late way past midnight, but they were too much in love to notice the time that passed around them.
“I don’t know,” she sobbed in between hiccups as Ji Yong smiled and hugged her tightly.
“Aw baby,” he kissed her on the lips gently as he picked up her head so they could gaze into each other’s eyes. “If you keep on crying, you’re going to see your manly boyfriend crying, and I’m not sure if you’d like that.”
She laughed quietly as happy tears streamed down her face, “Maybe, I will like that.” She paused for a second just looking into his eyes. “You make me so happy.” She said as she touched his face.
“I’m glad, baby,” he smiled wider, she was making him happy.
“You make feel so loved,” he was still smiling as he looked into her eyes.
“I know baby, I love you,” their heads touched as they drew their heads closer. They kissed each other just to touch each other’s lips.
Then soon, those butterfly kisses turned into a long and passionate one as Ji Yong and Bom were now becoming hot and heated as they continued their love passionately. Bom placed her hands on the back of Ji Yong’s head, as Ji Yong placed one of his hands on her lower part of her back.
“I love you so much, Bom,” he said in between kisses, he was now showering her kisses all over her face, on her forehead, her cheeks, nose, her jaw and finally he got to her neck.
He sucked her neck, biting her skin so roughly but so gentle as she gave out a moan with his actions. He continued to do that as he heard her moans feeling satisfied, and then moved again to her lips. “You’re making me go crazy.” She said to him panting, she was breathing hard now, she couldn’t control her heart beat her breaths as he continued to kiss her everywhere.
“You make me even go crazier,” he said as he placed his nose on the crook of her neck and breathe in her jasmine scent, he started to slowly put his hands inside her shirt, as he rubbed her bare soft skin with his hands softly and caressingly.
In response, Bom slipped her hands inside the back of his shirt and started to softly move her hands up and down his back. He was now feeling crazier with the touch of her hands on his back, she kissed him again on the lips, and she now slowly took off his shirt revealing his toned body. She looked at him smiling for a second until he dipped his head into hers. He couldn’t get enough of her. “Ji Yong, I’ve never done this before.” She said quietly to him.
He stopped and looked at her, “Should we stop?” He questioned her with concern in his eyes.
She didn’t say anything, they both gazed into each other’s eyes, and as they were both together on the blanketed floor with body as one, Ji Yong moved from being on top of her to lying down beside her.
“I can wait for you Bom,” he looked up at the stars to where their stars were at, and then looked at her in the eyes, “when you’re ready. I won’t rush you.”
She smiled at him, as she used her forefinger to touch his lips and traced over it. “I can’t get over how lucky I am. I’ve always wanted to keep it until marriage, but giving my first love to you, I can do.”
“It doesn’t matter, I can wait fifty years if you want,” he smiled.
“And you’ll still be my first,” Bom promised him. She doesn’t know when she will be able to make love to him, but it doesn’t matter, because she has decided that he will be her first. “I love you, Ji Yong”
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“To love someone is one thing. To be loved by someone you love is another. There are many people in this world that loves, and so many of those are people aren’t loved back by the ones they love. Truly, finding that right person is hard, but when you find that right person love is bliss forever. But how come that’s not true for us? I wonder each and every night why I’m not next to the person I love…”
His eyes were full of droplets of tears, the paper itself was getting so wet from the teardrops coming from his eyes. He cried, cried like a little boy. His heart was broken, he couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t control by being overpowered by feelings of love. He just continued to cry.
“…Were we truly not meant for each other? Is God being so cruel to us that he doesn’t want to see us happy? Was our love too beautiful that it was destructed by its own beauty? I don’t understand, my love. I must stop being selfish, Ji Yong-ah. I have done nothing but complain about my life in these letters. I’m such a horrible person, I can’t even see what I’m putting you through. How you must have been broken into pieces, but yet you had to pull through and get yourself back up and show the world that nothing is wrong. You had to think about your fans, your family, and your friends. While I’m here being selfish. I don’t even know enough horrible words to describe what I’ve done to you. I can’t imagine all the hurt I’ve put you through…”
He wanted to fall, fall helpless on the ground, but he continued to read, as he sobbed, as he placed his hand over his mouth trying to not cry out loud. It didn’t work, his cries became louder as his sister and mother heard him through the other room. His breathing became rapid, it was so hard to breathe.
“…Ji Yong-ah, I can’t show my face to you, I’m too ashamed. No matter how much I ache and long to see you again, I can’t let myself. I’d rather die than you see me. This Bom that wrote you these letters, is not the same Bom you once loved. She’s changed. She’s not the same innocent and loving person you once knew, she’s crushed and broken into pieces. Her soul does not exist anymore. You can never see that Bom anymore, she’s been taken away…”
“Park Bom,” his cries were still able to be heard through the whole house. Every word he read, it killed him. Why would she say this? It wasn’t true, his Bom is still there. “Bom, please, just please let me see you again.” He said aloud as his hands shook, his body shaking, and his soul in pain.
“… I can’t write to you anymore, I need to let myself get over you…”
“No…” he pleaded.
“… You have to forget about me too. That’s the only way we will stop hurting. You must forget that you ever knew me, that I ever existed, you must forget all the memories we shared, all the love we gave but most of all forget that you ever loved me. You need to get rid of all of that, and all the longing for me. It’s the only way Ji Yong-ah. From now on, just remember that the Park Bom you loved is gone.
Ji Yong-ah, promise me you’ll do that.”
He cried screaming out loud, he threw the letter he was reading, he threw the box that had all the letters she had written to him in madness, in anger and in pain. He continued to cry as he sobbed, he pounded on the bed he was now laying on taking out all his anger and hurt on the innocent bed, he punched it as he placed his face flat on the bed just crying. He was in pain, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t feel, he couldn’t feel anything but the damage he was feeling.
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-The song she sang up there is Park Bom - Stand up for Love
Ownn, the surprise was so beautiful *-* I remember "A Walk to Remember".
ReplyDeleteOh, Bom, why you ran away from Ji Yong? i.i
Own, I want cry T_T
Kissus =**
Oh Bom and Jiyong just break my heart ):
ReplyDeleteThey're really too cute.Bom come back to Jiyong!
omgg is it normal to cry for something like this:$
ReplyDelete